we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
