is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
