I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
