Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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