Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
