Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
