I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
