I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
