I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
