God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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