I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
