I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
