Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I'm really busy with my period
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