He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
