Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
