I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
