I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
