that's an acceptable place to lick
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
