is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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