Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
