Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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