If i come over, it means nothing
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
