So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize