If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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