If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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