i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
