she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
