Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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