Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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