Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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