none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Im part way to drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
