Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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