im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
