I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
