actually, I'm a sock model
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I believe in your delicious
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
