i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
