ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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