I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
