I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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