I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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