dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize