Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize