"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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