i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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