my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
