can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
