Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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