So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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