he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
