Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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