Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
