I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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