I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
