Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
