go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
