question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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