What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't notice because vodka
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
