i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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