I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
