why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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