I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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