Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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