Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
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