He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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