I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
