...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
