I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
