The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
