Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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