I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
