Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
